Jacked Up
The Ballad of Edgewater Drive
That night, she became a living cliché:
The dreaded damsel in distress.
Her fun evening spiraled down
Into wacky weirdness and stress.
With earbuds, she was tied to a tree.
An ant crawled on her arm.
She wiggled but failed to loosen the wire.
She heard thunder as the storm
Intensified. She cried at the lightning
And got soaking wet.
An onlooker called the police
And told her not to fret.
Across the street from Infusion Tea,
The victim cursed the time
And longed for open mic night
With the soothing sound of rhyme.
She missed the noise of beans grinding
And would soon feel worse
As the ant injected formic acid,
She yelled a desperate curse.
The officer refused to cut the cord.
He untied the lady
And bagged the evidence in a Ziploc
As he photographed the tree.
The evening news led with the story,
But details were minuscule.
The anchor’s voice seemed confused,
A hint of ridicule.
The prank became a local legend
And embarrassed Mayor Dyer
Who couldn’t protect all citizens
From the wrath of Jack The Tyer!